A complete guide to the dark triad: understand, recognize, and cope with the darkest side of leadership - Part 1 of 2
I couldn't find the energy and the will to work. I locked myself in my cabin (that's a room on a ship, for the civilians reading) and barely ate for a few days. I mostly listened to music, to keep my mind busy and away from what I was going through. When I was alone, I cried a lot. I couldn't see a solution or an escape. I remember the pain, the desperation, the loneliness, and the self-doubt vividly. Writing this, almost twenty years later, I still feel it, and I have to remind myself who I am and what I have become to push that latent despair back where it belongs.
The cause was an episode with my boss. One of many, but of a different magnitude. That day, he publicly humiliated me for a mistake I had made (I am still not sure about that part, but I acknowledge I could be biased).
I tell a longer version of those two years in the first chapter of my book, The Last Human Coach, because that officer became, without knowing it, the reason I spend my second career doing what I do. On paper, he was competent, and the people above him respected him. He was also the worst leader I ever worked for, and he nearly pushed me out of the Navy.
What I learned from him is that leadership has a dark side, and it can be pitch dark, well beyond what we usually mean by "toxic boss." If you are willing to go down this rabbit hole with me, let's go.
The three traits of the dark triad
In 2002, psychologists Delroy Paulhus and Kevin M. Williams pinpointed a set of three personality types that are widely acknowledged as dysfunctional: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. No worries, you don't need a psychology degree to recognize them. Here is what each one looks like on a regular working day.
Narcissism: "Narcissism is an eclipse of the soul," John Bradshaw insightfully observed. It is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with narcissism often display grandiosity, a preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love, and a belief that they are special and unique and deserve admiration. This sense of superiority and entitlement can lead to exploitative behavior and an expectation of special treatment. Despite their confidence and self-assurance, their self-esteem may be fragile and depend on external validation. They may also exploit or take advantage of others to achieve their goals and react with anger or contempt when they face criticism or rejection.
Machiavellianism: named after the Italian Renaissance diplomat and philosopher Niccolò Machiavelli, author of the book “The Prince”, Machiavellianism is a personality trait characterized by a manipulative, deceitful, and exploitative approach to interpersonal relationships. Individuals high in Machiavellianism typically focus on their interests, often at others' expense. They may employ cunning tactics, strategic calculation, and a pragmatic, emotionally detached approach to gain power, control, or personal gain. They tend to view human nature cynically and may believe the ends justify the means, regardless of the ethical implications. For example, they may also use flattery, lies, or threats to influence or control others and switch their loyalties or opinions depending on the situation. Dale Carnegie highlighted the perils of such behavior in his classic, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," warning of the inherent dangers of manipulation and insincerity.
Psychopathy: "Psychopaths are social predators, and like all predators, they are looking for feeding grounds. Wherever you get people who are in a vulnerable position... that's where you find psychopaths," Dr. Robert Hare famously noted. Psychopathy is marked by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, boldness, and a propensity for thrill-seeking and impulsive actions. This trait involves a lack of emotional depth, callous indifference to others' feelings, and often a disregard for social norms and individuals' rights. Individuals displaying psychopathy typically have superficial charm and can be articulate and seemingly confident. However, this exterior often masks a more manipulative, selfish, and sometimes aggressive interior. They may engage in risky or unethical behaviors without considering the consequences for themselves or others, showing little to no remorse. Psychopaths often have a low tolerance for boredom and frustration, exhibiting antisocial or criminal behavior, such as violence, aggression, or fraud. They may also be irresponsible, unreliable, or parasitic and blame others for their problems or failures.
A quick but important clarification: when we talk about the Dark Triad in leadership, we mean nonpathological levels of these traits, not clinical diagnoses. For brevity, I'll call them Dark Leaders from here on.
And to make it worse, there is often a fourth ingredient: sadism, which is taking pleasure in inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. Some researchers call the full set the Dark Tetrad. If you have ever had a boss who seemed to enjoy the public dressing-down, you already know what this one looks like.
Pro tip: the giveaway is not the bad behavior itself. Everybody has bad days. The giveaway is the pattern, the absence of remorse afterward, and the fact that it tends to land on the people least able to push back.
Why they rise
Dark Leaders aren't rare, and they aren't failures. Many of them get promoted, and some of them even reach the top of the ladder. I have worked with a few who I strongly suspect fit the profile, and more than one of them became an admiral or the civilian equivalent.
Why? Because, in a competitive environment, the traits come with real short-term advantages:
Confidence and charisma. A narcissist's self-assurance is easily mistaken for competence, especially by people above him who only see him in the meetings where he performs.
Political skill. The Machiavellian navigates the organization better than almost anyone around him. That gets rewarded.
Appetite for risk. Psychopathic fearlessness looks like boldness, and boldness occasionally pays off big.
Decisiveness. They decide fast and don't agonize, which in many cultures reads as strength. (I wrote elsewhere about why fast is not the same as decisive, but the organization rarely makes the distinction.)
Relentless ambition. The drive for recognition is enormous, and it pushes them up.
Indifference to how others feel. They can make brutal calls without flinching. Some organizations value that more than they should.
Tolerance for pressure. They are often unusually comfortable in high-stress situations because others' stress doesn't register.
A house of cards
What I learned through direct experience, and what the research confirms, is that the success of a Dark Leader is built on a foundation that cannot hold weight:
A culture of fear. Manipulation, self-absorption, and humiliation produce a workplace where people spend their energy on survival instead of work. You can measure it: turnover, quiet quitting, and the number of good people who leave "for a better opportunity" without saying why.
Ethical drift. When a leader prioritizes personal gain, the organization's practices tend to follow, and eventually the reputation and the lawyers do too.
Dead initiative. Nobody takes initiative under a leader who needs to control everything and punishes mistakes in public. Trust evaporates, collaboration follows, and the organization slowly becomes one person with a lot of hands.
Short-term wins, long-term collapse. The bold bets pay off until they don't. And here is the tell: an organization built around a Dark Leader usually does not survive long once he is removed. Nothing underneath him was ever built to stand on its own.
I have seen all four of these from the inside. The man in the story I have told at the beginning of this post made every deployment into something to endure rather than do. I was not his only casualty. He pushed my colleagues toward the same edge, and those who left took years of experience with them. The organization paid for his competence many times over.
How common is this, really?
Honestly, nobody knows. No reliable statistics exist on the percentage of leaders with Dark Triad traits. What is generally acknowledged is that the prevalence in leadership roles is significant and higher than in the general population, for the same reasons: the traits help you climb.
It is also essential to say that not every leader with these tendencies becomes destructive. A lot depends on the individual's level of self-awareness (a word I repeat often on this blog, for a good reason), the other traits in the mix, and the organization's culture. A Machiavellian streak in a healthy culture with real accountability is very different from the same streak in a culture that rewards it.
Which raises the real question, the one I'll take on in the second part: if you are working under one of these people right now, what the hell do you do about it?
Part 2 of this guide covers the strategies for recognizing, coping with, and, when necessary, escaping a Dark Leader.
If this post describes your workday a little too accurately, this is the kind of situation I work with people on. You can find out more about how I coach executives and leaders here.
References:
The bright and dark sides of the Dark Triad traits among senior managers: effects on organizational commitment | Review of Managerial Science (springer.com)
Frontiers | In Leaders We Trust, or Should We? Supervisors’ Dark Triad Personality Traits and Ratings of Team Performance and Innovation (frontiersin.org)
The positive connection between dark triad traits and leadership levels in self- and other-ratings | Leadership, Education, Personality: An Interdisciplinary Journal (springer.com)
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